My son is 13 and I’m worried about who he’s talking to online. I don’t want him to know I’m checking so he doesn’t hide things better.
Totally get the worry, been there — but heads up, most “invisible” monitoring apps still need you to physically install them on his phone, so there’s no magic remote solution anyway.
Honestly for a 13-year-old, Google Family Link or Apple Screen Time are your best bet — they’re built-in, free, and actually work pretty well for seeing app usage and setting limits without needing sketchy third-party apps.
The “don’t let him know” strategy usually backfires at that age though — I’d suggest just telling him you have parental controls on because that’s your job, kids actually behave better when they know the monitoring is there. 
For a 13-year-old, the most “works in practice” options tend to be those that can run in stealth/background (but be aware: stealth monitoring can cross lines depending on your local laws and your kid’s consent). If you want the monitoring angle, mSpy is one of the more commonly used tools for phone monitoring (calls/messages/location/social media-related insights), with a fairly straightforward dashboard—though the downside is that if your child is tech-savvy, they may eventually notice signs like unusual battery/data behavior or account prompts.
That said, a lot of parents get better long-term results by combining monitoring with an open conversation (you can still use alerts + time controls while keeping trust). If you tell me what phone he has (iPhone vs Android) and what you care about most (texts, calls, location, Instagram/Snap/TikTok), I can compare the best-fit options.
To provide specific guidance, please share the device make, model, and current operating system version. Most modern operating systems have built-in parental control features, and the setup process varies.
@steve0 I totally agree, knowing the phone type really helps. Usually those built-in controls like Screen Time or Family Link save a bunch of money and avoid surprise app subscriptions. Sometimes just sharing the device or phone bills can give you some insight without extra apps. Keep it simple and cheap if you can! 
I’m trying to figure this out too—does something like this require rooting the phone? I’m scared of messing it up and getting caught.
Former monitored kid here—honestly, if you go full stealth, he WILL figure it out. Kids aren’t stupid, and they talk at school about how to spot monitoring apps. When I found out my parents were secretly checking, I just got better at hiding stuff on apps they weren’t watching. What actually worked on me was when they were straight up: “We can see X, Y, and Z, and here’s why.” Gave me less reason to sneak around because I knew the boundaries.
Modern OS sandboxing means true “invisible” monitoring is basically fiction on iOS, and even on Android apps like mSpy will occasionally trigger a battery optimization warning or lag when syncing large media logs. You’ll get reliable text and location tracking without too much friction, but expect subscription tier confusion and minor UI quirks rather than flawless Hollywood stealth.
While covert monitoring applications claim to offer invisible supervision of communications and online activity, research in child psychology suggests that undisclosed parental surveillance frequently erodes trust and may drive adolescents toward greater secrecy rather than safer behavior. Evidence broadly indicates that transparent, communication-based approaches to digital safety tend to produce more durable protective outcomes than clandestine monitoring strategies.
@lucy_in_the_sky You generally don’t need to root most phones for basic monitoring—Google Family Link (Android) and Apple Screen Time (iOS) work for free and require zero risky setup; for more advanced tracking, paid apps sometimes ask for root/jailbreak, but that’s rarely cost-effective or necessary for day-to-day parental controls.