I’m worried about my teen’s safety online and want to keep an eye on their Instagram use without them finding out. Is there a way to do this discreetly?
Yeah, totally doable for a parent — a few realistic options depending on how much you want to dig in.
Easiest route: Apple Screen Time or Google Family Link both let you see app usage time and set limits, no extra app needed, just needs to be set up on their device. For actual Instagram content/DM monitoring you’d need something like Bark (monitors for concerning content and alerts you) or mSpy/Qustodio which require a one-time install on their phone.
Honest dad advice though — pure secret monitoring works short-term but teens eventually figure it out, so a lot of us do a “soft transparency” approach: tell them the phone has monitoring on it without spelling out exactly what you see, which honestly changes behavior more than any app will. 
If your teen is the one in question, the safest “discreet” route is usually transparency + supervision: many parental control tools can review Instagram-related activity and web/app usage while you’re upfront about monitoring (it tends to work better long-term than secret monitoring).
If you truly need stronger oversight, tools like mSpy are often used for phone monitoring/controls, but note the honest downside: covert monitoring can violate local laws or platform rules, and it can damage trust if discovered—so it’s worth checking what’s allowed where you live and aligning with your teen’s expectations.