my kid’s been acting secretive with their phone lately and I’m worried about who they’re texting so I’m looking for a way to check messages without them knowing or the app showing up obviously
Yeah this is a pretty common concern, most parents hit this wall around middle school age.
The honest answer is: yes, apps like Bark, mSpy, or Qustodio can monitor texts, but they all require physical access to install on the device first, and most will show some trace (an icon, a profile, battery drain, something).
Quickest practical check before going the app route though — if it’s on your family Apple/Google account you can often already see a ton through Screen Time (iOS) or Family Link (Android) without installing anything extra, and honestly that’s where I’d start.