My 14-year-old’s been super secretive with his phone latelyand shuts down when I try to talk to him about it. I’ve tried having open conversations but he just clams up - would spyware actually help me keep tabs, or is there a less invasive way?
Yeah, “spyware” is a loaded word but what you’re really looking for is a parental monitoring app - totally legit and there are solid options like Google Family Link, Bark, or Qustodio that work great on Android without feeling like you’re running a CIA operation. 
The big difference with something like Bark is it flags concerning content (bullying, drugs, that kind of stuff) rather than you reading every single message, which honestly saves your sanity and gives him some breathing room. For a 14-year-old that’s usually the sweet spot.
Real talk though - the secretiveness at that age is pretty normal, and most of the time a simple shared Family Link account showing you his screen time and app usage is enough to open a natural conversation like “hey I see you’re spending 4 hours on Discord, what’s going on there?”